Courage
by perfectsmuttyvampire
Summary: After a horrific ordeal, Tom Paris devises a way to ensure nothing like it will ever happen to him again. Unable to reach him, Commander Chakotay faces a race against time to find out what Tom is doing, and why
1. Chapter 1

_**TITLE: Courage**_

_**SUMMARY: After a horrific ordeal, Tom Paris devises a way to ensure nothing like it will ever happen to him again. Unable to reach him, and with Tom falling faster and faster into self-destruct, Commander Chakotay faces a race against time to find out what Tom is doing - and why.**_

_**PAIRING: Will wind up as Tom/Chakotay**_

_**WARNING: Deals with anorexia and self-harm, graphic violence and rape. Not for the faint-hearted.**_

_**A/N: Chaptered Tom/Chakotay fic : )**_

We knew the drill, we knew where we were going and what we had to do there. We knew that the planet was inhabited by a hostile species. We knew that, and we were armed. I wasn't even slightly worried. I was laughing with Harry, I can even remember what about: he'd just tripped over a rock.

If I'd been paying more attention, it wouldn't have happened. We could have fought them off. Easily. Our weapons were far superior. But I wasn't paying enough attention, I wasn't looking. We were surrounded before I could reach for my phaser. Two blasts came straight for us.

When I came round, I didn't have a clue where we were. Harry was sitting against a wall, not too far away, and he leaned forward as I stirred.

"Tom, Tom. You OK?" I move limbs, sit up.

"Everything's still attached, so I guess so. What's going on?"

"No idea. I came to about five minutes ago. I haven't heard anything."

"D'you think they're just leaving us here? Maybe they'll call the Captain, negotiate a ransom." He points silently to the wall behind me. I come face to face with a skeleton.

"I don't think they're the ransom types." I grasp my chest.

"Comm. badges!"

"I've got them both. I figured what they didn't see, they don't need to know about. They took everything else though - weapons, tri-corders, our shoes although I'm not sure why."

"You saw the ground out there. You want to go over that barefoot?" I ask him, dryly.

"No."

"That's why they took our boots." Suddenly the door opens, and Harry shrinks against the wall slightly. I watch that closely. I set my chin. I'm the senior officer. This is my call now.

"Who's the senior out of you two Starfleet boys, then?" The voice is low and dangerous. I can't see the face, but judging by the shape, this is a humanoid life form, and male, I assume.

"I am. And you'd damn well be letting us go."

"Oh, I don't think so. See, we need information. And we aren't too fussy about how we get it."

"You'll kill us both before we talk."

"Oh, I don't think so, Starfleet. I think the one in the corner there would break first."

"Oh, I don't think so. Go near him and I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"You don't even know who I am. For all you know, I've claws in my throat."

"I saw your - people, I think? - outside. You've no more got claws in your throat than I have. My Captain's up there. She already knows we're missing, we missed the transporter time. And when she catches you, you'll die like a rat in a barn fire. They won't even have the ashes left to mourn you with."

"You're fiery, I like that. I would very much enjoy breaking you."

"Try it." I sneer. "Try it."

HPOV

They dragged him off, and he gave it as good as he got. He swore all sorts of violent retribution, and cursed them. I did nothing to stop them.

Hours later, maybe even the next day, they dragged him back. He wasn't moving, and he wasn't talking any more. He hung between two shadows like a rag doll, feet dragging on the floor. They threw him back in, and he crumpled like paper onto the floor. They were laughing as they walked away. It was so dark. He doesn't move. After what seems like hours, my badge crackles into life.

"Janeway to Kim, respond."

"Two to beam up!" I shout, relief pumping through my veins, adrenaline added to the mix when doors open somewhere down the corridor and a voice demands to know what is going on. "Now!"

We hit the transporter pad with a jarring thud, and someone screams. I look down at Tom, and throw myself toward him. He's covered with blood, no shirt, horrible wounds all over him. His left eye is swollen shut, his jaw cut right open, lip split, cheekbone crushed, head wound, cuts and gashes all over his chest. Captain Janeway looks down at us both with horror.

"Beam to Sickbay, crewman." Crewman Joor looks like she's going to be sick, but she does so, and Tom disappears. "Harry, what happened?" I'm still staring at the place where Tom vanished, looking at his blood on the floor. My head is screaming.

I let this happen. In doing nothing, I let this happen. This is my fault.


	2. Chapter 2

JanewayPOV

I call a meeting of all senior officers. Harry attends, pale still, but looking less like he's been repeatedly sick. The Doctor is working on Tom, but there's a lot to do.

"You should all know why we are here. An Away Mission has failed, and there has been injury to a member of my crew. It should have been routine. While we know there was a potential hostile species, that species is essentially a race of lizards, for want of a better word and in view of our situation. Yet Tom Paris has pitched up back on ship looking like he's been tortured - and Harry is adamant the people they saw while they were captive were not a match for that species. Obviously, something or someone has failed. We have to find out what happened. Harry, if you can, give us a detailed explanation of exactly what went on down there."

"We were doing the job. We conducted scans regularly, searched around the terrain, and were following the planned route. We were getting closer to the transport point, and I tripped on a rock. Tom started laughing, helped me up, then the next thing we knew we were surrounded. They knocked us out - I think they were using a primitive sort of Phaser. We came round in a cell of sorts - me first, Tom about five minutes later. We spoke quickly, established that they'd taken everything but our Comm. Badges. Then two life-forms approached, and we spoke with them. They were in shadow, I didn't get a good look, but they did know we were Starfleet. They appeared humanoid, however, and had deep voices, leading to my assumption that they were male. They asked us who was the senior, and Tom responded that he was. They exchanged insults, traded words. They made a hint that they were going to take me instead of him, but Tom wouldn't let them, he threatened them. They said they wanted me because they thought I'd break first. He told them he'd kill them if they tried to take me, said that when you caught up with them, Captain, they'd suffer the consequences. Then they dragged him off somewhere, left me behind. When they brought him back he wasn't moving and he wasn't speaking. I didn't get a look at him. Then your voice came through the badges, Captain, and the rest you know." He looks agonised. "He was prepared to take whatever they planned to do to him, to stop them hurting me - and I just let him go. I couldn't speak, couldn't protest. I let them take him."

"Harry, nobody blames you, not for anything. I'm giving you two days leave. Try and get some sleep." He gets up like a zombie and leaves the room. Chakotay is the first to speak.

"Captain, I didn't want to say in front of Harry, but I believe I may know who did this to Tom Paris."

"Who?"

"They're human. We fought them in the Marquis, and they were famous for being brutal with prisoners. They called themselves the Infidels. They've supposedly been around since the 20th Century, and want Earth to return to it's old ways. They don't approve of the Federation, and disagree with space travel. They only use technology from before the first edge of the galaxy mission. But I can't imagine what they'd be doing in the Delta Quadrant. Unless the Caretaker took them from Earth."

"Would there be any circumstances under which they'd be on any kind of star-ship?"

"Not that I can think of, unless it was some kind of infiltration, got taken with the ship and then got onto a planet somehow. But they're fiercely anti-technology, and famed for using physical torture." The noise of the online internal communicator interrupts our conversation. It's sickbay.

"Doctor, talk to me. How bad is it?"

"Not as bad as it looks. Most of his injuries are external, and they seem to have missed major veins and arteries. He'll make a full recovery."

"You said most. Define that, Doctor."

"Captain, as I am patched through to the conference room, I can only assume you are not alone. I would prefer to discuss the rest of Lieutenant Paris' injuries with you privately."

"Certainly, Doctor. I will make my way to sick-bay."

"May I request you bring Lieutenant Tuvok and the Commander with you?"

"Certainly, Doctor. Miss Torres, could you find Mr Neelix, ask him to compile anything he knows about these Infidels, if anything at all. Tell him to have it ready by fourteen hundred hours. You can collect it from him and deliver it to me. Commander, when we have seen the Doctor, I would like you to do the same."

"Shall I also deliver to Miss Torres?"

"No, you can deliver directly to me."

The ride in the turbo lift is tense and silent. I can only imagine the worst, and the Doctor's expression only confirms my fears, and does literally nothing to allay them.

"Captain. Shall we go into my office? Kes, obs every five minutes."

"Yes Doctor." Kes worries me more than the Doctor. There is pain on her face, horror in her eyes as she bends over Paris' unconscious body.

"I'll run over his workaday injuries first. He has, undoubtedly, been tortured, but in a way that is incredibly primal. My databases include examples of this type of thing on Ancient Earth. During World War Two, the Nazi soldiers would resort to physical beating in an attempt to extract information from their prisoners. That is what appears to have happened to Lt. Paris. Several of his ribs are broken, he has a broken nose and jaw. He has severe muscular bruising to his legs and arms - it is obvious to me that he assumed the foetal position in order to protect his chest and head. He also has some classic defensive injuries, a broken wrist and four fractured fingers, as well as a fractured foot, which I'm certain is from kicking out at someone or something. Bit I'm afraid that something far more serious has happened to him."

"How could it get worse?"

"While I was conducting scans, I detected the presence of another DNA sequence."

"In his cuts?"

"No. I regret to inform you that Mr Paris has been sexually assaulted." Chakotay whitens, and my stomach turns. I feel sick to my stomach. I know I make some noise of protest, because the Doctor looks pained. A muffled sob drifts into us from the sick bay, and I assume Kes overheard some of our conversation. "I fear that when he does come round, or when I can bring him round, that his physical recuperation will be the easy part. There may be psychological damage, but at this stage, I cannot possibly assess how much."

"When would it be safe to revive him?"

"I could do it today. But I'm rather reluctant to do so until he has fully recovered physically. At least then we lessen what he has to deal with." Chakotay sways. The Doctor pushes him into a chair, and turns back to me.

"Should we tell Harry?" I whisper.

"How much does he already know?"

"He saw Tom in the transporter room. He knows about the physical damage."

"He's beaten up enough over thinking he's to blame for letting them take Tom. I don't know how wise it'd be to tell him somebody raped his best friend." I feel my stomach twist alarmingly, and swallow.

"If we don't tell him, what will he say if he finds out in the future? Maybe it's best for him to know."

"Captain, may I offer advice on that?" Kes is pale, trembling, and looks like she's been crying. I nod, and invite her into the room. "If I were Harry, in his position, and somebody had done - what they did to Tom - to my best friend, I'd want to know. So I could help take care of him." The four of us look at each other.

"Very well. I'll tell him."

Harry answers the door immediately, but when I go in, he's just sitting in the dark. He's doing nothing, just sitting and staring at the stars outside his window. We're still orbiting the planet, trying to contact the planet's authorities.

"Harry?"

"Captain."

"May I sit down? I need to talk to you."

"Of course." His voice is flat and emotionless, his eyes expressionless.

"I've just come from seeing the Doctor." He sits up a little straighter.

"How's Tom?"

"That's what I need to discuss with you. Mostly, he will make a full recovery."

"How can you mostly make a full recovery?"

"Harry, I'm sorry. The Doctor found traces of other DNA on Tom."

"What?"

"Harry. There is enough evidence for the Doctor to draw the conclusion that Tom was sexually assaulted." He does absolutely nothing for some time. He does not react, he doesn't speak, he doesn't even blink. There is not a single flicker on his face. Then, very suddenly, he seizes the vase on the table next to him, and hurls it with force at the wall behind my head. A glass, plate, and his clarinet follow in quick succession. I decide to let him work it all out of his system. Finally, when he's either run out of things to throw or has just tired of it, he walks very calmly into his bathroom and vomits. I go after him, and he's curled up in the corner, shaking violently. Ignoring the fact that I'm crossing every single boundary line set down by Starfleet, I sit down beside him, put my arms around him. And let him cry.


End file.
